Writing 101- Day 9: The leap home

Today’s Prompt: A man and a woman walk through the park together, holding hands.They pass an old woman sitting on a bench. The old woman is knitting a small, red sweater. The man begins to cry. Write this scene.

Today’s twist: write the scene from three different points of view

SAM

The familiar white roaring light filled Sam’s world from scream to shining scream. It was different this time though. Often when he jumped he felt dizzy for a some time afterwards but this time the dizziness left him altogether immediately.

His gaze and consciousness cleared and returned and his heart filled with equal parts of wonder, dread and foreboding. He was home. Not his functional palace in California, 2035. Home in London in 1995.

This was the day when his life had changed. He checked his watch. The time and date of that first migraine when his mind had split open and the secrets of the universe had burst forth through the dam of obliviousness. He dragged himself up off of the floor and unto the single bed. Looked around. This was indeed the room of a twenty year old student. Ridiculously baggy clothed rappers and equally ridiculous Italian sports cars adorned the walls and ceiling.

Tellingly there was no mirror in his room, he had in hindsight been quite good looking but had paid little attention to his appearance. He checked his watch again 06:28 Friday 30th June 1995. He reached under the pillow where he knew he would find his indestructible Nokia mobile phone and thereafter shortly after the TV remote control.

BBC Breakfast was still running with death of Lana Turner the day before – screen legend, check; stage and screen, check; deeply missed – check. Flicked through all 5 channels, turned it off. If memory served on the day everything changed he was too sick to meet Cathy for breakfast. Things were different this time. He would wash and shave. Pull a comb through his loose dark lambswool hair and put on clean clothes.

The mind and experience of a sixty year old man in a twenty year old body. She wouldn’t stand a chance.

CATHY

It was 1100 and Cathy was deliriously happy. She was by nature serious and logical. Anyone who knew her who saw that day would have gaped open mouthed to see her acting like a giddy schcoolgirl and she was more surprised by that than anyone. It had been a morning of shocks and pleasant surprises and serendipity. The breakfast date with Sam had gone perfectly.

It was like he’d grown up overnight.

Her first shock came at precisely 08:30 when for the first time ever Sam had turned up outside her Halls Of Residences room – on time. The second was when when she opened the door.
Sam. Looked. Great.
Smelt great. Hair sorted, standing upright he was even smiling for a change.

“I’ll be ready in a minute” She lied. She put on a better top, her better skirt (and after a moments trepidation) her better black panties.

Her first pleasant surprise was when instead of heading for the canteen at the University, Sam stuck out his hand, hailed a taxi and whisked her off to an Italian cafe in Hampstead. Her second surprise was watching Sam pay for the taxi with a smile on his face, and then breakfast and even a single yellow overpriced rose from a street corner flower seller.

Serendipity built slowly as they talked and laughed walking the paths skirting Hamspstead Heath. They agreed on everything, liked the same things, had the same ambitions. It was if they’d spent a lifetime together already.

THE OLD WOMAN

She sat and knitted.

SAM

Sam saw her first and the bottom fell out of his world. He knew who she was but he didn’t understand what she was doing there. Everything had changed and didn’t know what it meant. Shell shocked tears came to his eyes unbidden. He wished to God he had never discovered how to fold time and space.

CATHY

They were walking along arm in arm when they happened across the old woman on the bench. Immediately Cathy felt an unfathomable connection with the old woman. She seemed broken, sad and lost. She was stooped over in her seat and all her attention was focused on her hands. Knit, perl, knit, perl over and over. She suddenly realised that Sam was silent for the first time that wonderful morning. His face was a mask of misery and tears were streaming down his face. He put his arm around her shoulder and hurried her along neither looking her in the eye or over his shoulder.

THE OLD WOMAN

After nearly 80 years Cathy’s mind had gone. She couldn’t remember how she’d got there but she did know that she was in the wrong place, the wrong year. She couldn’t remember anything else so she concentrated on her knitting. She didn’t even notice the young couple who walked by.

spotify:track:48psxWnIVYCPUZJKiuDiEf

Advertisements

27 thoughts on “Writing 101- Day 9: The leap home

  1. very nice job. I love what you did with it.
    After reading yours and others, I feel the need to expand on my characters. Maybe they will become a regular thing 😀
    Thank you for liking my meatball story.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I loved it! Very clever, nice twist, thoroughly enjoyed reading it. My only suggestion for improvement would be to double-check spelling, there were some typos which interrupts the reader’s flow thru the story, but the story itself…big thumbs up!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Well done Smiley! The more posts I read from this prompt, the more I see I missed the mark. Definitely have a better understanding going forward now. Thanks… Good stuff!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Awesome article (and it comes from someone who was unable to make this assignment)
    The only advice that I would give — though not necessary — is to avoid putting the name of the Character before writing their point of view. Do it in a more subtle way, such as putting ******* between two paragraphs to mark a shift of point of view.

    Keep up with the awesome work!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. “… how to fold time and space”.
    “…his mind had split open and the secrets of the universe had burst forth through the dam of obliviousness.”

    “…the over-priced yellow rose.”

    These phrases…in my opinion…are great writing.

    I love stories or other bits of writing that insist on living on in my memory. The whole story was so good that I read it about three times because wanted to try to figure out what was going on…sheer genius.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s