My favourite Trigger

My favourite trigger for my depression if it can be called a favourite has to be loneliness.

I find that even on a warm sunny day like today it can creep up on you and remind you of what you have and what you don’t have. For instance I was having quite a pleasant morning I slept well ate well and had no pressing concerns full stop I decided to enjoy the best of the early summer sun because it is early summer and went out for a walk full stop Roxeth recreational grounds is but a short walk from my flat I bask in the summer sun and felt God’s grace warming my bones full stop unfortunately as I reflected on how good my day was I was tripped up by a random thoughts that’s spoilt my morning.

That sort of course was the only way this could be better was if I had someone to share it with full stop most of my friends are either a lot younger than I am or if they are my age they are married with children and have no concerns I’m spending the weekend with anyone but their families. As I strolled in the summer sun I reflected on the fact that I had seen none of my friends or family for a while. In fact it was but only Tuesday I had met and talked with some of my friends at our regular book club meeting, but knowing that all around the country friends and family would be sat down for barbecues and other family gatherings. It is by nature and by nurture that I am quite attuned to Solitude full. Because of the nature of London we all tend to live where we can and not where we want I am no longer a short walk away from family or Friends all contacts is a mission.

To be fair this is not unique to me by any means. In fact I think is apart of the modern condition. It occurs to me that’s every instance of getting off the grid in a community has been a quest for independence mixed with connectedness. Independence from what we know as the modern world and conversely I need to have a deeper connection with the people around us full stop London above and beyond most other cities in the UK due to its size tends to be isolating and unwelcoming.

Even if you’ve got your money right, and you have your goals set, and you have agency if you do not have connections – a social group and something akin to family it’s really hard to be happy in London even on a warm pleasant day like today.

At times like these all you can do is practice resilience, gratitude for what you have and do your best to be patient for what you don’t have and do your best to enjoy the weather while it lasts after all this is England and the weather is a joke.

“I remember thee Wakanda!”

“I remember thee Wakanda”

After the events of Civil War T’Challa is preparing for his coronation as the new ancestral king of Wakanda and his confirmation as the Black Panther. For millennia Wakanda has protected its people and its technology by isolating itself from the rest of the world but it soon comes face to face with its conscience when its sins come back to haunt it. The societal tension explodes and a rage is released which almost brings tragedy to the entire world.
It’s a technical triumph but more than that it’s an apotheosis of Black film-making talent. Ryan Coogler who burst onto the scene with his debut Fruitvale Station five years ago gives us a mature but joyous film which colours in the mythos of Black Panther its AfroFuristic comic rebirth after its first appearance in Fantastic Four #52 (July 1966). The all star cast is led by Chadwick Boseman, Michael B. Jordan and Lupita N’yongo but to be honest everyone in the cast gives a joyous committed career high performance.
There is so much breathless joy for the Black viewer in this perfect spectacle. The idea of a secret African superpower. The alternative history of an African culture that was not only not colonized but which thrived and surpassed every other world culture. If it was only this it would be sufficient as a film and a further episode

in the MCU Universe.

The story of an isolated but superior culture that’s advancing technologically but not socially and the crisis point that causes it to change and re-engage with the world. If it was only this it would be sufficient.
A Shakespearean story of betrayal, death, defeat and redemption which has a villain and a hero who are charismatic, driven and as justiified as each other. If it was only this.
A villain who’s every utterance (when he’s not killing and destroying) got nods of approval from a rapt mostly Black audience. That chimes with our thoughts and hearts and makes us consider our dreams critically. An audience of all cultures who all got something from this movie, but for the African Diaspora sang a psalm of longing. Of “What if?”
There are a lot of reviews that will tell you how good this movie is. How bright. How beautiful. How diverse. How unique. How satisfying. I know this is a Marvel production but with a talented Black writer / director and an all star African and African Diaspora cast this feels like a Black film from Black people to the world. I know of no other movie where Black people here and in the US have been dressing up in what ever African Cultural clothes they can find and parading to the cinema copying the glorious turn out by the cast for the regal premiere.
I was going to start this review by saying that Black Panther was unique among the genre of Superhero movies but I think it does a disservice to the film to examine it as a superhero or even just a Marvel Cinematic Universe movie. This is a transformative experience and cultural milestone.
Best Black History Month ever!

Repost: “How Much Money Can You Really Make by Self-Publishing?”

Imposed Solitude.

For the majority of the time most of us have the agency, the opportunity to reach out to other people. We tend to be unrestrained. Physically and mentally. The rest of us sit in our own self inflated bubble. Every home is a cell. Every job is a chain gang. Every social event is a pretence.

“These aren’t my friends. I’m just borrowing them. I’m pretending to be a part of the group that doesn’t claim me as one if my own.”

You need to have something changed without and within.

You need to acknowledge your agency.

Worst part of writing

The worst part about being a writer is the gap between the last good thing you wrote and the next time you have the confidence to sit down and write again.

I’m still here.

It’s a been a long strange trip for me. After taking part in ULU study on the positive effects of experimental therapy I’m now on pharmaceutical regime and I’ve got to a stage where I’m no longer suffering from major depressive symptoms. I’m not cured but I’m definitely not suffering anymore in the same way that I was.

10 things I hate about me

I hate my stupid poker face that won’t show people how i feel, 

because I’ve spent my life telling people “I’m fine”, it’s natural for me to conceal.

I hate the fact I’m 6 foot one, not normal and not tall,
And I can’t buy anything cool in my size till the sales in the spring and fall.

I hate being allergic to half the menu in any decent restaurant,
You’ll get bored with the places i can eat and i can’t​ take you where you want.

I hate my awkward eyebrows
I hate my stupid grin
I hate the way i nod my head

I hate that it makes​ people think I listen

I hate the way anything that’s ever gone wrong never leaves my head.

I hate the fact my mind is too full for positives​ instead.

I hate the fact you’ll never know that guy who met your eye,

Because all the things I hate about me stopped me from coming over and saying “Hi”

Traditionally Caribbean:

In collaboration with Caribbean Faces Traditionally Caribbean: The Sitting Room “The ‘sitting room’ is an inherently Caribbean phenomenon, if you were privileged enough to have a …

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1,000 words | The Supreme Court’s Judgment in Miller

In this 1,000 words post I explain the key points decided by the UK Supreme Court in R (Miller) v Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union [2017] UKSC 5. I have written a separate, longer,…

Source: 1,000 words | The Supreme Court’s Judgment in Miller